Box of Rain

Well............

2009-02-07T21:43:00.003-05:00

I know I don't post much here anymore but I am still disappointed that I lost my header, and blinky thingies. There must be an issue with my FTP. Then again, the sidebar got whacked out about a year ago and I couldn't fix it in the template. I don't want to delete this blog but feel I am not doing it justice by leaving it up this way.
Hm.......................

Please Vote...............

2008-11-03T07:43:00.000-05:00

Peace......................

Whenever you mention Destiny, you better get rid of that capital D - It Doesn't Matter

2007-08-24T20:54:00.000-04:00

Fate, Destiny. Inevitable but I digress. Each step we take determines. Every choice, decision, action can and will change the course. Having the power of choice can frequently frustrate. It's much easier to sit back; watch the world go 'round. Or is it. It's harder to be miserable knowing you allowed it to happen, accepted your fate as disappointment is easier to overcome knowing you tried. My choice is to at least try. At least try.

Listen to the river sing sweet songs to rock my soul - Brokedown Palace

2007-08-09T09:46:00.000-04:00

Love will see you through..........

2007-06-22T20:30:00.000-04:00

Please click the image if you would like to help a fellow blogger in a time of need.

Update: Sunday, July 1st - There's still time to give.

Thank you and Peace........................

We finish our lives and surrender to death- The Handyman Rhyme

2007-06-03T18:16:00.000-04:00

I write with sadness. My dear Brother-In-Law Poco has died. He knew he was nearing the end; never mentioned it. He had wanted to go the brewery his final day to toast his brother, my husband who died the same day, 25 years earlier. He didn't have the strength. I was thrilled to have reconnected with him almost two years ago and so grateful. Sharing what had been too painful for either of us to express.
Sharing what needed to be. The two are together now as they belong. I love you Poco................

Faith may be madness but doubt is insane ............. Look Away

2007-05-31T19:21:00.000-04:00

He asks "Why must we have such graphic and tragic 'dramas of life' to teach us
Compassion and Empathy?"

So we can learn. Learn Faith? Patience? Understanding? I consider it, what I have learned. Beyond that, what I have taught. I decide I must do more of both.

Let it flow, greatly flow, wide and clear- Weather Report Suite Part II: Let It Grow

2007-05-13T16:01:00.000-04:00

There are times when you feel change; undefined. I have searched, questioned, analyzed.
Then, there are times when it flows without definition. None needed.
As if a breeze or a drifting river of growth.
Willingness or maybe even inner peace.
Alas, there are times when you don't know which it is. So you have a choice. And it making none, the choice is made.

I don't know where I got off in attempting to get on- The Song Goes On

2007-04-09T21:23:00.000-04:00

I don't know where I've been, who I've been. Life's been confusing these last few weeks, months. Maybe more. I'm here, I'm there. This person, that person. Lose myself, find myself. I question myself yet I am so sure, so certain that I am here to find those answers. At times I find it punishing as I am left blank.

I got something that must be said, I'm speaking as friend to friend - None so Blind

2007-03-14T21:02:00.000-04:00

I know the space you're in, the pain, the shame. You hurt yourself and us who watch you self-destruct. This choice you clearly make each time you use your poison. Surely you remember that poison making it's way through your mind, body, soul. The suffering it caused. The price you paid. The wealth you must have to afford it again....................

There's a shaking in the earth like the world might end - The Wind Blows High

2007-02-08T07:44:00.000-05:00

I'm not here to cry about my day, week or life. I'm not going to complain about my aches and pains, ups and downs. You have your own. Do we care about each others? Should we? Individually, so little we can do or so it seems. As a group, quite staggering. Evidence every day in all forms. It's mind-boggling what we could do. It's mind-boggling what we have done.
Peace...............................

Got no thought to relate in the same old way, anyway- Rhapsody in Red

2007-02-04T23:11:00.000-05:00

I post this with no particular thought in mind other than to post. As I type I wonder why. At a loss for words, I move on. Uninspired by this creative outlet, I move on to another. Certain outlets, certain times. Different meanings and outcomes. Sometimes questions, sometimes answers. Different but the same? No, not this time. So here I ramble, with no particular thought in mind. Nothing whatsoever.

Here I'm standing at your door, like so many times before- Standin At Your Door

2007-01-11T14:44:00.000-05:00

Blog Explosion, MySpace, StumbleUpon, Clipmarks. Friends, comments, points, hits. My words, experiences, life. In this box and outside my door. They are different but the same. People, places and things. At times, seems more in one than in the other. More support, compassion, strength. The scale tips. A question of balance.

Did I make the proper choice? The storyteller winks- Recognition, Terrapin Station Suite

2006-12-30T09:22:00.000-05:00

Time spent with someone is seldom time lost. No more lost than any other minute, hour, day or year. It stays with us. Not working to our advantage we consider is wasted. Chosen another path, still no guarantees. Our choice can make us feel alone, scared, foolish, hurt. Or grateful, wise, serene. The perspective we take, that is the important choice. The one that changes your life.
Half empty, half full.
Happy New Year.

It's brother to brother and it's man to man- My Brother Esau

2006-12-20T19:40:00.000-05:00

I don't know if you've ever needed blood. I did once. I remember the people who gave it. Friends, family and co-workers. With much gratitude, I also remember the strangers for their selfless gift to me. Phil Lesh is donating $10 to The Vattikuti Urology Institute for each pint of blood donated by the end of the year. If you have the chance, please do it. It could mean so much to so many.
Thank you and have a Joyous Holiday and Peace-Filled New Year.

A foolish heart will cost you sleep and often make you curse - Foolish Heart

2006-10-29T17:45:00.000-05:00

It's not uncommon. It might even be normal. You come to that "stay or leave" point in a relationship. You toss, turn, lose sleep. You change perspective. You sleep well. You begin to wonder why you ever let it concern you. Then that wondering keeps you awake at night.....again. You voice your concerns. He replies with his. But what do you hear? Did you hear it all? Yes, all of it. Now the realization that each day, each hour, each and every minute you are making that decision. So is he. Yes, so is he.

Oh to see the beauty, joy and the tenderness- Lucky Enough

2006-09-29T20:34:00.000-04:00

Where he glistened like an angel in the bright hot fire, Untried by the vision of a bright hot fire- John Silver

2006-09-08T18:12:00.000-04:00

Winston Arthur Grant. A man I would have liked to have known. Where he glistened like an angel in the bright hot fire. A Victim of a senseless tragedy known by all as "9/11". I join my blogger brethren as we honor these victims through the 2,996 Tribute Project.
Winston Arthur Grant was 59 and a Technical Services Specialist on the 30th floor of the north tower for Blue Cross/Blue Shield. He lived in West Hempstead, NY but was born in Trinidad and educated in Grenada. Well known by many as the type of man to put other's safety before his own, he most likely stayed to help others in the hour and a half time before the building collapsed. Untried by the vision of a bright hot fire. He played the steel drums and was a hard-working, smart-dressing man of Faith with a great sense of humor. He is said to have been a "Prince among men" by his stepson, Jerome Duran.
I honor your life today Mr. Grant in this small way. I honor your wife Joyce, daughter Joya, son Winston "Artie" II and stepson's Jerome and Adrian. I pray for your peaceful rest and the comfort of your family. I salute you for your accomplishments, your kindness, determination and loyalty. I am sorry we have lost you. Please know that you are in my thoughts.
Peace...........................

Safely Home - August 9, 1995

2006-08-09T07:47:00.000-04:00

Too long in this condition, got sense enough to know- Home On The Range, R.Hunter

2006-08-06T21:50:00.000-04:00

I'll be around. Just not here. Not for a little while anyway.
Peace...............

Happy Birthday Jerry

2006-08-01T18:47:00.000-04:00

I think it would be impossible for me or anyone else to fully articulate what Jerry meant to us. Through my addiction, recovery and all my Wharf Rat days, Jerry was really one thing that held strong and true in my heart. He gave me something so great, so profound that I still search to define it.
One of my most amazing memories of Jerry is from a show in Philadelphia. I recall my seat being right at the guardrail (or whatever you might call it) and the band walked by on their way off stage. Jerry was within my reach and I wanted to scream out to him and touch him. I opened my mouth and heard only a whisper come out. "Jerry". I pulled back my arm in what seemed like slow motion and realized only after the show that it was out of deep, deep respect.
I miss him dearly.

Jerome J. Garcia
1942-1995

Flowers, seeds, traces of life - Resurrection Rag

2006-07-30T08:57:00.000-04:00

This is really my first year gardening. I 've been disappointed because my daisies weren't blooming. They were so green and leafy - no buds. Were the summer to pass without one, I may have given up on them. Turns out they're perennials. Sometimes we discard things that may have endured, gone the long haul. It is well worth the time to re-visit. There's a lesson in everything and today I am humbled.

I said, I had a dream like this myself some time ago - Woman In White

2006-07-24T19:20:00.000-04:00

New dreams, old dreams revised. Dead, shattered, dreams. We dream by day, by night. We let them go, pick them up, brush them off. Some we know can never be. Others we cling to. Sometimes we stop. They don't, can't, won't ever become our reality. But we begin again. It's what brings us from one day to the next. I took a personal day off this week. Just for my dreams. I haven't given them enough time lately.

Removed from weavings of desire, twisted skeins of love and hate - And I Know You

2006-07-17T07:04:00.000-04:00

en·light·en·ment (n-ltn-mnt)
n.
1. a. The act or a means of enlightening.
b. The state of being enlightened.
2. Enlightenment
A philosophical movement of the 18th century that emphasized the use of reason to scrutinize previously accepted doctrines and traditions and that brought about many humanitarian reforms. Used with the.
3. Buddhism & Hinduism. A blessed state in which the individual transcends desire and suffering and attains Nirvana.

nir·va·na (nîr-vän, nr-)
n.
1. often Nirvana
a. Buddhism. The ineffable ultimate in which one has attained disinterested wisdom and compassion.
b. Hinduism. Emancipation from ignorance and the extinction of all attachment.
2. An ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability, or joy.

Well shake it up now, Sugaree -

2006-07-13T20:58:00.000-04:00

It rained and rained yesterday. From start to finish, Phil Lesh and Friends. Rain. Lots of rain here in Vermont! But we shook it up alright. As wet as we were it didn't seem to dampen our spirits. Sugaree was a highlight for me. As was Help>Slipknot>Franklin's. It was great to hear a few Jerry Band covers - They Love Each Other & Ruben and Cerise. I'm not a Trey basher by any means. Maybe I'm just a much bigger Warren fan. When Phil toured with Warren and Jimmy.............man oh man!
Phil, maybe I'll see you at Vibes! And the rest of you, I'll meet you at the Jubilee!
Peace...........................

Gonna wave to the memories I carry in my heart - Wave To The Wind

2006-07-08T09:50:00.000-04:00

Several years before my Dad died I coerced him into entering a lip-sync contest with me. My choice - "You Can Call Me Al", Paul Simon. Oh, how I practiced getting those lyrics down just right. Dad didn't even have to open his mouth, which was part of the deal but he stole the show surprising everyone as he air-guitared his way off stage. Last night I saw Paul Simon in concert. It was so wonderful to see you Dad. Thanks for the dance.

Brick by brick the wall evolves, year by year the sun revolves - Eagle Mall

2006-07-02T21:04:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday America. It's been quite a year and I wonder how much wiser you are for it. Wonder how much you have grown. In the year ahead I wish you happiness, good health, prosperity and of course.............Peace.
Peace for you, peace for them, peace for the children.

Man, oh, man, oh friend of mine - Run For The Roses

2006-06-27T20:41:00.000-04:00

A simple request came from a friend today.
"Tell me more about your guy."
"He is honest with great values, morals, integrity. Great sense of humor. Loves music, photography, Vermont."
The usual type of response one would expect. I didn't tell you he is my friend, my lover. I didn't tell you how much I adore him. I guess if I told you that, I would be telling you more about me.
"Tell me more about your guy."
My guy, he is more than words.

Finish that prayer before you say Amen - Celebration

2006-06-20T17:43:00.000-04:00

Seek, imagine, acknowledge Peace. There are many ways. Visualize by day and dream at night. Pass it on. World Peace, Inner Peace. If we struggle to achieve Peace in our daily lives, World Peace is possible. If we all participate, World Peace is possible.

Some Peaceful Places to visit

Peace Through Art
60's and Further
101 Zen Stories
Peace Quotes

I still see well enough to know the path I must pursue - Walker After Midnight

2006-06-16T18:27:00.000-04:00

We are not meant to understand everything. However I can't understand avoidance. When asked something, I respond. It may not be the most educated, profound or reasonable response but a reply you will get. I can only guess that when people don't answer they are lost. We must all keep searching. I'll leave you to your journey and continue on my own. I choose a path of acceptance.

Time is the rhythm, love is the light - The Last Song

2006-06-13T16:58:00.000-04:00

When we are young and first discover love, we are certain we will die without it. In young adulthood, pain teaches that love alone is not enough. Without trust, honesty, loyalty, courage, strength, faith it crumbles. Now older, hopefully wiser, I've had a third revelation on the meaning. Love is everything so love is all those things. And all those things are love.

A drummer drumming at the break of day - Over The Hills

2006-06-07T21:36:00.000-04:00

I see us all at The Gathering. This tribe of like mind, body and spirit. We are there and we are one if only for a few days. Nothing else really matters but this celebration of life in the present. What a wonderful gift it is. As we leave, returning to our jobs, families, daily routines, we bring this spirit back with us. We begin to see others all around us from our tribe. And we know in our hearts that the universe is more good than evil. The celebration continues.

A Tribal Invocation

I'm waiting for my tribe,
the ones who share these visions,
waiting for my tribe to gather 'round.

When will we remember who we are?

Are you waiting too?
Waiting for a tribe,
so you know you're not alone?
I'm waiting for my tribe.

When will we show our true colors?

We're watching for our tribe,
our kindred spirits,
our clan, our family,
the whole of humanity,
watching as they come,
welcoming each other...

When will we let our spirit soar?

Then we would be one.
We are all one tribe.
We are already one.

Our time is now.

This was posted today on a community board. The poster regretfully stated that the author was unknown but he did post this link. Thanks Marmot......

Better to die living than live dying - Welcome To The World

2006-06-03T17:53:00.000-04:00

Vince Welnick has died. It is being said that he took the death of Jerry harder than anyone in the band. Perhaps it was because he was the newest, youngest member and he just didn't see it coming. No matter now. He's still gone. Thank you for the music Vince. May the four winds blow you safely home.

All the endless ruins of the past must stay behind, yeah - Cream Puff War

2006-05-31T19:19:00.000-04:00

I can't always Let Go, Let God. Many a time I've needed help. Help unpacking my baggage so I can then go through it, sort out was is useful, what is destructive. I know therapy isn't for everyone. But there are alternatives for those who think it's a sign of weakness. Reading, prayer, creativity, meditation. Talking, planning. Just doing. That's the key. Doing. Time will not heal all wounds unless you use this time in a healing way. Hold on to you bitterness, envy, jealousy, guilt. You're doomed.

Though I could not caution all, I still might warn a few- Ship of Fools

2006-05-26T07:18:00.000-04:00

This Sunday, 5/28 will mark the 24th anniversary of the death of my 1st husband. I post this early for one reason and one reason only. Please use caution this holiday weekend. If you drink, please don't drive. If you drive, please know that there may be someone coming at you who is drunk. Watch out for the other guy. My husband was the other guy.

RIP - Richard M Teed, Jr.
12/13/57 - 5/28/82

A man and a woman come together as strangers - Blow Away

2006-05-21T20:13:00.000-04:00

I post most Sunday nights. Maybe I'm winding down. Maybe gearing up. Or it's just possible that while I drive home each Sunday I am learning a bit more about living in the moment. I drive and don't think about work, cleaning, bills. I enjoy this ride and seem to find gratitude, serenity, focus, acceptance. I leave someone I love, come home to an empty apartment. I don't feel alone. I still feel connected. Connected because I let go. Que Sera Sera.

Your wounds are your own, no one else's to lick- Parcel of Doom

2006-05-16T19:58:00.000-04:00

So I left the message. "Will you sign them this time?" I don't know why I would believe you if you say "yes". You've said it before. But I have to try. Have to try again. I've checked the laws, can swing it financially - again. It's something I can't afford not to do emotionally. Because we need to let go of each other. We need to be free.

Whole new vision born every night - Alligator Moon Suite

2006-05-14T20:10:00.000-04:00

This past week or so I have been on the verge. Either a break-through or a break-down. I feel the outcome is pre-determined. Yet I know the work I do as a means to this end will make all the difference. I will come out of this either enlightened or terror-stricken. As always, whichever the case, there is work to be done to get there. So here I go. Enlighten me.

Was it hope of freedom or panic born of fear - The Banyan Tree

2006-05-09T20:32:00.000-04:00

If you have a "magic" marker, an old sheet, pillowcase and 5 minutes, please use it. We all can feel so powerless. It seems like our efforts go without notice. We are all one soul, a world conscious. A collective mind, heart. The world conflicts and struggles just as we do individually. In the end, we all want the same thing. Each small move we make toward it goes into the collective bucket. Exercise your rights so you can keep them.

You know that the world outside can be a pretty cold place to be - She Gives Me Love

2006-05-04T21:28:00.000-04:00

Gandhi said these 7 things would destroy us. Wealth, Politics, Commerce, Pleasure, Education, Worship & Science. It is not what we have but what we lack. If you are not familiar with his 7 Deadly Sins, here they are. If you are familiar, they are always worth contemplating again. And again. Thank you so much to Lionheart for bringing them back into my focus. What we are without, indeed. And it's all in our hands.

**Remember Kent - 36 years ago today

Don't ask me to compromise, accept and learn to trust - Worried Song

2006-04-30T22:35:00.000-04:00

I want, need, enjoy understanding. When I don't have, I ask for it. Some don't like that. I don't expect change. I don't ask it of you. Please don't ask it of me. I don't know why you're here on this Earth, why you think you're here. I think I'm here to learn. I learn so much by observation. Make a point of it in fact. Sometimes I have to ask. And you need to know, you are safe.

They say that Heaven ain't so far away - Hard Time

2006-04-24T09:39:00.000-04:00

Dear Dad,
Another year has turned since you passed. I write to you again. Phil Lesh and Robert Hunter wrote "Box of Rain" as Phil's Dad lie dying in a hospital bed. Phil says when it is requested, it is often dedicated to those who are sick, dying or already passed on. I play this song and think of you but no more than I do any other day. You are so close to me. I am so close to you.
Love,
Helen

Down Memory Lane, today is still tomorrow - A Little Piece For You

2006-04-20T21:05:00.000-04:00

60's & Further - A Spiritual Garden that Rocks N Rolls!

I have found the most amazing web site or it has found me. It is not my practice to promote other sites. All the images I post are linked (just click the image) and some of the artists have been kind enough to write me.
The site linked to this image made me feel so many wonderful emotions. It is about a journey. The journey of the 60's and the journey we are on now. If you find yourself in the need of a little serenity, please visit. Amazing site.

The course of love must follow blind, without a look behind - Rueben and Cerise

2006-04-17T18:04:00.000-04:00

I'll never understand love. I don't need to. How we stumble on it. How it captures us. The great mystery. You can find yourself in it so deeply, never saw it coming. You search, it eludes. It runs from you, it chases you. It grabs you, then dismisses. It's wonderful and infuriating. It's simple and incredibly complex. It's everything.

Celebration in full sweet swing of everyone and everything - Celebration

2006-04-14T20:37:00.000-04:00

Whatever your choice, religion, tradition or belief, I wish you all a
very Happy Season of Celebration this weekend,
next weekend and all to follow.

We have been together since the firstborn seed of light - And I Know You, Terrapin Station Suite - Pt. 2

2006-04-11T17:51:00.000-04:00

It was recently suggested that while I may claim to be over my "ex" that I do, in fact, think of him. Making the claim, a passing blogger. So now I think and yes, I think of him. You see, we are still legally wed although apart.
But that's neither here nor there.
Truth be told, from the moment I met him I felt as if I had know him all my life. I suspect I'll always feel that way.
Some people cross our paths and affect us so profoundly there is no way of shaking them. Move on, yes. Let go, yes. Forget, impossible.

Long as songs of mine are sung I'm with you on this earth - Down the Road

2006-04-09T16:39:00.000-04:00

I am tape trading a bit. A co-worker dropped me some tapes. I'm taping for him now. Pulled out some favorites I'd like him to have. Second up is Jerry Band, Oakland - 1992. It's hard to believe listening to him that he would be gone in less than 3 years. He sounds so full of life. Just one line. "My body is bent and broken". I realize why it has been so long since I've listened to this show. And I am completely caught off guard. Completely blown away.

You carry your pain wherever you go - Black Throated Wind

2006-04-06T17:55:00.000-04:00

If my Mother told me once, it was a thousand times. "When it comes right down to it, you wouldn't want to trade your troubles for anyone else's." The older I get the more I understand. It was one of the greatest lessons she taught me. Now, as an adult, I translate her words. "Deal with your troubles. They are yours to own." I have heard more horror stories of abusive upbringings in the rooms of AA than I could ever imagine counting. I've lived a few myself. Some come out on top. Some swim in their pity pots. Some want to get better. They take charge. Other want......Other things. Whichever your choice it is your's to own.

Thanks for the favor of you in full bloom - Key to your Room

2006-04-02T19:20:00.000-04:00

As two people get to know each other it's wonderful to see the relationship bloom. I wonder when I see it, feel it, sense it, if the other person also sees, feels, senses the growth. Sometimes it is just our imagination I guess. We believe what we want to believe. We envision the manifestation of it's direction as ending in the place we want it to go. Without words it can seem invalid. But two people don't need to talk about where they are going. The mystery, the unknown, the thrill.
It's all a secret.

Broken ground, open and beckoning to the spring, black dirt live again - Let it Grow

2006-03-27T08:31:00.000-05:00

Open the windows. Pack up the sweaters. Clean out the drawers, closest, under the bed! Put out the bird feeder. Buy some seeds. Take a ride and bring the camera because it's time for new life. It is invigorating and long-awaited. I am ready.
It is almost time. It is almost here. It is almost spring!

Let your life proceed by its own designs - Cassidy

2006-03-24T21:25:00.000-05:00

There are alot of lives I'll never have. Even more that I'll never want. I am amazed at the extent people will go to hurt others, doing so with purpose. It makes me thrash back. And in that moment, I become that person. Hating myself. I wonder if they hate themselves. I have mixed emotions of anger and pity. Both uncomfortable, both wrong, both human. For this I do not apologize. No apology whatsoever. Absolutely not.

And tell me the name of the game that you play - Doin' that Rag

2006-03-20T18:27:00.000-05:00

There is an evil woman lurking. She reads my blog(s) trying to keep up with my life in some way. Harmless? I hope so. But I know she is out there. She is psychotic, a patholigical liar, a hypochondriac . She is vindictive and mean-spirited. I suppose I have to surrender to that fact that some people are just more evil than good. Perhaps she has come into my life to teach me that. Maybe I should thank her for the lesson but I'm just not there yet. And I'm not sure I want to be there. Not yet.

If mercy's in business, I wish it for you - Fire on the Mountain

2006-03-16T17:27:00.000-05:00

Women are supposed to be the nuturing species. I have no idea how a young child transforms into a torturer. I recently saw photos at Salon.com and couldn't believe this young woman appeared to be enjoying dehuminization. I can't help but wonder so many things. Are her parents proud? Will this "soldier" ever be same? Did she ever really change?
Please let it end. Let it end soon.

I honestly don't know if she's deserving of mercy.
It seems she got it in her February conviction.
She is a disgrace.
Post image courtesy of David Ho
Thanks to Tom for the Salon.com link

Is there anything a man don't stand to lose, When the devil wants to take it all away - Mexicali Blues

2006-03-09T19:56:00.000-05:00

Until you have found yourself doing the unimaginable, despicable, you will never know. Until you have caused immeasurable pain and suffering to those you love most, you will never know. Until you find yourself dragging in the gutter not wanting to stand, you will never know. Until you surrender, you will never know the joy of sobriety. Eighteen years ago tonight I took what I pray was my last drink. Tomorrow I begin year nineteen. Thank you Bill W.

I have spent my life seeking all that's still unsung - Attics of my Life

2006-03-06T19:45:00.000-05:00

Six years before I married him I would visit. Every week, the 5 hour round trip, the eight hour visit. I had never met anyone more charming, witty, inspiring. For two years there were cards and letters daily. Hundreds and hundreds combined. He came home. We eventually married.

I wanted to believe in love. He wanted love to believe in him. So we gave each other what was wanted, needed. It wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Too much of everything is just enough - I need a miracle

2006-03-02T17:53:00.000-05:00

We all know it's said that this is untrue. Too much of anything is not good. As an addict I concede. Just enough? No. Too much. But there I go, forging ahead, not acknowledging that fact until I am up to my neck in "too much". Replace a bad habit with a good habit. Still to me, abundance is just enough as I continue to wander from one addiction to another and find myself asking once again..................

............why?

Heartless powers try to tell us what to think - Throwing Stones

2006-02-23T19:24:00.000-05:00

Genetically Modified food's will not solve world hunger. We will be told this. We may begin to believe it. GMO's are about greed not problem solving. If people don't have money for food they will continue to starve. We must solve poverty not feed the rich buy purchasing their terminator seeds.

Please support your farmers.
Please say no to GMO's.

Useful links
Say no to GMO's
Ban Terminator
Truthout.org on Monsanto
10 reasons to say NO

Hang it up and see what tomorrow brings - Truckin'

2006-02-17T09:25:00.000-05:00

Write it off. Make your mistake, take the consequences. You will have learned from it and grown a little. There is nothing so serious, so horrible, so unbearable that would justify taking your life. And today while you're thinking clearly, know that one day these thoughts may come and you might deem them worthy. Get ready for the fight. Fight with every ounce, every breath. Give yourself one more tomorrow.

But the darkness never goes from some men's eyes - Throwing Stones

2006-02-13T19:31:00.001-05:00

It could be about the ying and the yang. One friend wants nothing more than to be in love. In balance, another who has it in front of him and can't or won't let it in. Each needing to open themselves up just a little bit. Two friends, two hearts. It may be as simple as perspective. I challenge them both to view life and love in a new way. In light rather than darkness.

I'm still walkin', so I'm sure that I can dance - St. of Circumstance

2006-02-11T19:37:00.000-05:00

I am tired and uninspired. Do I need to understand that? Hell no. Do YOU need to? Hell no. Afterall, it's just one small emotion in one small persons world in this, a flicker of time. I try to grip the feeling and it runs. I think it's all about the dance. No, I'm sure of it. Alone, without music. And that really wasn't so hard as I find myself ultimately just fine.

Nothing to tell now; let the words be yours, I'm done with mine - Cassidy

2006-02-06T21:01:00.000-05:00

Just a mouthful of words. Just words. I hear the sounds, don't catch the meaning. Jumbled through your lack of values or maybe just jibberish. More words. What's important to me, maybe not to you. I can say mine once, twice or even three times. Talk, talk, talk. I can hear your's even more. Listen, listen, listen. Until they are seen there is no meaning. None. Say what you mean.
Those are my words and I am done with them.

The whole damned world looking back at me - Liberty

2006-02-02T07:06:00.000-05:00

Somedays I look in the mirror without a second thought. Other times it stops me. I'm not always sure who's looking back. I look older or tired, angry or bitter, at peace, content today. I think it's how I feel being reflected back wondering if others will see me this way. I look too much. I think too much. Or see too little? I look longer and harder until I know who I see. See me.

Sink like a stone, float like a feather - Unbroken Chain

2006-01-28T17:55:00.000-05:00

To my left a euphoric friend celebrating one year of sobriety. My right, after 8 years, another suffers the pain of going back out. I cry tears of joy and fear together. The conflict paralyzes me. Can't feel both so strongly at the same moment yet can't sort them. Back and forth, I fail over and over. All I can really do is save myself. And at this moment, I have no idea how.

If I knew the way, I would take you home - Ripple

2006-01-24T22:16:00.000-05:00

Even though we are on the same journey, our paths are different. I worry knowing you are lost. I scream, you can't hear me or choose to ignore. You've got to cut, scratch, claw your way through. Stumble, fall, get up, wipe yourself off. I see you, can't reach you. I'll meet you at the end and wait for your safe arrival. Or will you be waiting for me?

And stones fall from my eyes instead of tears - Black Muddy River

2006-01-21T19:53:00.000-05:00

I want to cry but can't. Maybe because I don't fully understand why. It's here though. In my heart, throat - not my mind . No connect, no understanding between mind and spirit. This time around, I want these tears for myself. So selfish.

Maybe when I get this great release I will understand.
Maybe then I'll be able to spare one for you. Maybe not.

It's all right, 'cause I love you; and that's not gonna change - Looks like Rain

2006-01-18T19:14:00.000-05:00

I have a friend I talk to every few years. See him even less. We talk as if no time has passed. Talk for hours. Laugh, cry, dream. We share sorrow, joy, accomplishments and failures. In another life, we would give ourselves totally to each other. Perhaps we already did. We know without words, it is not for this lifetime. And that's not gonna change.

Thanks to Hell on Heels for the reminder.

Gonna wave to the memories I carry in my heart - Wave to the Wind

2006-01-14T18:32:00.000-05:00

Lyrics, an ode or ballad. Remembering a special time, place or person it becomes so personal, creates new meaning as it becomes our own.

Nothing as sentimental as song. It carries the past, beats with the present and whispers the future.
Leaving a favorite lyric or verse here, wonderful.
And much gratitude if you share it's memory.

Look out of any window any morning, any evening, any day - Box of Rain

2006-01-09T21:43:00.000-05:00

Music - Robert Hunter
Lyrics - Phil Lesh

"Box of Rain" was first recorded in 1970. In 1996, it's author received an e-mail asking "Robert, if you would, please tell me what you were thinking when you penned the phrase "Box of Rain". Hunter replied "Well, I don't like to do this since it encourages others to ask about what I had in mind when I wrote a song, and mostly you'd need to have my mind to understand even approximately what I had in it. By "box of rain" I meant the world we live on, but "ball" of rain didn't have the right ring to my ear, so box it became, and I don't know who put it there".

In another time's forgotten space - Franklin's Tower

2006-01-04T20:52:00.000-05:00

A childless mother floating in cyberspace. Thoughts, trials, hopes. Links, comments, pictures. A long gone woman's blog waiting to land on a screen may be it's only purpose. No children to carry memories, pass a story down. Here I'll leave a small fraction of me behind. Drifting in cyberspace where a stranger might find it. And just like that, I'm gone but not erased.

Maybe you'll find direction, Around some corner where it's been waiting to meet you - Box of Rain

2006-01-01T19:44:00.000-05:00

While I was fortunate enough to spend time with someone I care about this NYE and day, I consider this time, the time after, alone but not alone, a great gift. A lot has happened in 2 short days. My sister & I began mending our differences, my flame became my friend, true friend. So much richer today for the growth in these relationships. And grateful for this time now, perfectly content.

All the years combine, they melt into a dream - Stella Blue

2005-12-29T07:23:00.000-05:00

I'm not one for ringing in the new year. But each 12/31 I do a fair amount of reflection. This one will be no different. All that I've done, wanted to do. What's happened in the world, what hasn't. Just like any other day - Sun going up and then the sun going down. This chapter closes, a new one begins. At times bittersweet, each 1/1 brings new hope.
We'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.
A safe and Happy New Year to you all.

Hey, now, Bird, wouldn't you rather die Than walk this world when you're born to fly - Liberty

2005-12-25T21:05:00.000-05:00

We have our roles at home, job, community. Sometimes it requires different personas. I've heard it said "Yes, but he's completely different at work". I say, get a new job. Because eventually, it will become part of you, like it or not. True, we can let our hair down in one, not so much another. There are parts of ourselves that no one ever sees. But I hope when you see me walking down the street, you know who you're looking at.

All these complications seem to leave no choice - We Can Run

2005-12-22T19:33:00.000-05:00

I am an addict.
I am a sister, daughter, friend, lover - an addict. I have a job, home, family - an addiction. Given the gift of sobriety I selfishly hold on to that. Without it I have nothing. I would not be your friend, your lover, your sister, your daughter. So whatever the cost, whatever the sacrifice, I choose sobriety. I choose it because I choose life. It is your choice to accept that or not.

One way or another, this darkness got to give - New Speedway Boogie

2005-12-19T19:46:00.000-05:00

I received the most beautiful Christmas gift today. A translation and commentary of The Tao by Ralph Alan Dale. No better time in my life to have received it than now. My tolerance being pushed to it's limit allowing toxic behavior to infect me. I have to shut it out until I can better understand it. So tonight and many a night after that, I will read.

I can't figure out if it's the end or beginning - Terrapin Station

2005-12-17T20:30:00.000-05:00

You are the most arrogant, self-centered man I have ever met. You give for praise, not out of love. Your generosity a guise for your greed. With a new year approaching I wonder if you might finally reflect. Have you caused enough pain to feel vindicated? Is the world done owing you?
Are we done?
Are we done?
Are we done?

Judge said "In fact it's gonna cost you your life" - Dupree's Diamond Blues

2005-12-14T18:38:00.000-05:00

They call it humane.
How would anyone know?
They call it justice.
Because killing is wrong.
Your life, we say, has no value.
You've killed, so we kill. Revenge.
It's supposed to deter but fails.
It's supposed to teach but what?
Teach your children well.

Say it once again now, whoa I hope you understand - Playin' in the Band

2005-12-11T21:38:00.000-05:00

Asked a question, I will answer it honestly. Ask me again, same answer. I can't, won't change my answer to suit you. Want a different answer, go to someone else. Actually, I would prefer that. It's painful to see your frustration. The question, the answer, the frustration. And on and on it goes. Perhaps a different question would change the outcome. That's doubtful. Stop asking. I don't want to answer. I want you to learn to hear.

The Music Never Stopped

2005-12-09T20:39:00.000-05:00

Duane Allman,24 71-10-29 Motorcycle accident
Harry Chapin,38 81-07-16 Car Accident
Jim Croce,30 73-09-20 Airplane crash
Jerry Garcia 53 95-08-09 Heart attack
Marvin Gaye,45 84-04-01 Murdered
Keith Godchaux,32 80-07-23 Car accident

Woody Guthrie,55 67-10-03 Medical
Jimi Hendrix,27 70-09-18 Drug Overdose
Buddy Holly,22 59-02-03 Airplane crash
Janis Joplin,27 70-10-04 Drug overdose
Eddie Kendricks,52 92-09-.. Cancer
John Lennon,40 80-12-08 Murdered
Ron 'Pigpen' McKernan,27 73-03-08 Alcohol
Freddie Mercury,45 91-11-24 Aids
Keith Moon,32 78-09-07 Drug overdose
Jim Morrison,27 71-07-03 Heart attack
Brent Mydland,38 90-07-01 Drug overdose
Roy Orbison,52 88-12-07 Heart attack
Stevie Ray Vaughan,35 90-08-27 Helicopter crash

Quite astounding and there as so many more

Lose your step, fall out of grace - Throwing Stones

2005-12-06T20:40:00.000-05:00

I've been pushed. She poked until she found the button. I lost it. At times I wonder if people enjoy it. I so seldom lose my temper. Do people push just to see when, why it will happen? When it does you will probably lose. And I will feel remorse. Whether you deserved it or not, it is not the way I want to behave. So I guess I lose afterall.

When everything's said and done, Ain't it a Son of a Gun? - Not like a Seventh Son

2005-12-03T11:11:00.000-05:00

When we got on the bus, many of us Deadheads were misfits. The music, the scene taught love and respect in it's sincerest form. The current climate in our world is stormy with varying opinions and insights. We are bickering. I hate it. We all want to express ourselves. To do so the anything less than respect is ludicrous. A week ago I wondered what Jerry thought of his band members. Now I wonder............
what Jerry thinks of us? Seeing a recent quarrel resolved between two brothers, one extending a hand, the other reaching back, I realize we really have learned. May we each continue to learn, to love, to grow, never forgetting to respect each other along the way.

Unbroken Chain of You and Me

2005-11-30T19:34:00.000-05:00

When you don't hear anything, you imagine all sorts of things. I find little more frustrating than that silence. Your mind reels. You feel lost, grasping for answers. You listen, gathering thoughts, ideas. You look for comfort and extend what you can, reaching out to your brothers for some peace. Sometimes you just vent. Mostly you just cry. Then, you get word.
Thank you Phil.
You remember - We will not forget.
Thank you to The Dead community for always being there.
Got something special nothing else has - R. Hunter

And I got pain, pain, pain in my heart - You See a Broken Heart

2005-11-25T18:11:00.000-05:00

Much confusion, disillusion. I've intentionally waited to write this. Dust settles. We look through our anger and pain. We see things. There is still speculation as to why the Grateful Dead soundboards were pulled from The Internet Archive. It's that very speculation responsible for most of the lashing out. For close to 40 years now we, the fans, have felt like family. Now we feel shut out. For me, it is just that simple. Please talk to us.

Reach out your hand if your cup be empty. If your cup is full may it be again. - Ripple

2005-11-22T19:13:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't wish addiction on anyone but if I could give the gift of recovery, I would. It has taught me gratitude. We learn early on to make lists. We never graduate. Work our steps over and over. Gratitude, gratitude. This Thanksgiving I will find, like in many of recent past, that what I give thanks for will not change. I am grateful every day I am straight and sober.
Have a wonderful holiday and may your cup be full.

Just another pity, just another shame - Just Another Train

2005-11-19T06:49:00.000-05:00

I've learned that I have little tolerance for self-pity. It's a horrible character flaw. Some are victims of circumstance. Others create their own pile of troubles and do nothing to dig their way out. For the vicitms, I have compassion. The others, almost disgust. I hate feeling that emotion but it exists. I don't know what's more depressing - watching someone self-destruct or lacking full compassion for them. It seems I can't do one without the other. But I need to find a new perspective.

Hope this war is settled before there's nothing to defend - Iowa Soldier

2005-11-13T22:06:00.000-05:00

There have been many songs about peace over the years. These three I love. These three have stayed with me.

Peace Train, Cat Stevens

Give Peace a Chance, John Lennon & Paul McCartney

(What's so funny 'bout) Peace, Love and Understanding,
Elvis Costello

Along with this one.

War, Edwin Starr

"War has shattered many young men's dreams
Made them disabled bitter and mean
Life is too precious to be fighting wars each day
War can't give life it can only take it away"

When will it end?

I pondered on my future, I pondered on my past - Simple Nowhere

2005-11-11T19:07:00.000-05:00

When I met my estranged husband I knew. "When you know what you want to do with the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to begin right away." That quote from "An American Quilt" I believe. In one moment, it all changed. At the beginning again, the past creating my future. Between speculation and expectation must be a peaceful place today. Yet it outwits me.

I hate to leave you sitting there composing lonesome blues - Deal

2005-11-06T21:16:00.000-05:00

I never much minded being alone. My mom once told me she hated to send me to my room alone as punishment. She knew I didn't mind. Now, as an adult, I sometimes intuitively know when someone wants to be alone before getting hit over the head with it. You won't need to tell me. I may hate it but I will understand. I will leave. And I'll probably come back. But now, I lay alone. And I don't mind. I don't mind being alone. I mind leaving you in your loneliness. Maybe one day you will trust me with it.

And when it's time to speak, I trust that truth will guide my voice - Trust (Guiding Star)

2005-11-03T07:05:00.000-05:00

Tonight I have a casual dinner out with my department at work. I just secured a permanant position. Finished ten months of "seasonal" employment. In the loop now. Going to dinner. Shop talk, gossip. It won't be intentional but I will feel as if I'm being sucked in. Better to have been excluded? I wondered, but no. Definately not. Luckily, today I see this as a chance to become a better person. Just in time. Speak no evil.

To tip the balance in favor of love - The Next Step

2005-10-31T08:17:00.000-05:00

It's humbling, soaring 6000 feet above the ground. Closer to heaven, I don't know. Definately a little further from everything else.It was nice to get away. Bigotry, hatred, poverty. Politics, greed, selfishness. It was nice to come back.
Integrity, loyalty, trust. Kindness, generosity, compassion. If it's all about balance, and I pray that it is, I wait.

Of beginnings nor of ends, you do not have that power - Paint and Glass

2005-10-27T17:10:00.000-04:00

Many say it comes in three's. Death. Part of life. The small staff I work with suffered three family deaths over the weekend. A young father taken off a respirator, another hit by an SUV while checking his vehicle. Lastly, an infant of three weeks old. We are not meant to understand, just accept. It's difficult to acknowledge such pain, comfort the grieving. Acknowledgement of such tragedies honors their life. Love must be stronger than fear of death.

Not to make it perfect, but more nearly right than wrong - Leaving Terrapin

2005-10-23T08:18:00.000-04:00

I let myself stress out over this. Not knowing why, I continued to work on it. Had to get it perfect. Then all would be fine. I realized I was worried I might miss someone. If I did, I'm sorry.
I want to thank those below who have linked me. There are many kind commenters and regular visitors not listed here. Those are for another day I suppose.

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How little grace is earned and how much is given - Book of Daniel

2005-10-20T12:19:00.000-04:00

Eight hours a day, five days a week. An average work week, I suppose.
I work in customer service.
How may I help you?
Most people call with their gloves on. Problems, concerns, complaints. It is my job to be kind. Paid to be kind. Unsolicated acts of kindness not un-noticed. With that, I thank Ezine Writer for my new header. It's beautiful.
And it was so very kind.

And when the day had ended, with rainbow colors blended - Cryptical Envelopment

2005-10-16T21:57:00.000-04:00

"Do you consider Vermont your home now?" my sister asked. I didn't hesitate, "yes I do". A weekend visit, the state we were raised. Most of our family is still there but we live here. Coming from home or going home? On the road back we see a rainbow. This is home, that is home. Many homes, one family. My home is with them, wherever it is, whenever it is.

So rides the world, between freedom and fear - These Waves

2005-10-10T22:38:00.000-04:00

We decided to go gliding even though it was cloudy. We weren't too high, the clouds were low. Above the clouds we missed the visuals of the autumn below. It was so peaceful it didn't seem to matter. Coming down through the clouds and midst we faced a mountain range that could not be avoided. I suprised myself, remaining calm. My friend was terrified, screaming. I held her then woke. Quickly I went back to sleep hoping to continue the dream.
It never works.

Don't hold on to yesterday, don't hold on to pain - Give it up

2005-10-08T20:08:00.000-04:00

The last time I saw Poco was over 20 years ago. We left him on the interstate with a 6-pack and 20 bucks. Off on his journey, hitch-hiking to his destination somewhere on the coast. He made it after a bit more wandering. Our link, bond, thread - his brother, my husband. He died in '82. Poco & I never lost each other. We each needed to heal in our own way, our own time. That time has passed. It's so good to have him back.

None of it makes any sense, no point to even try - Self Defence

2005-10-05T07:49:00.000-04:00

A recent e-mail conversation ended, me shaking my head. The topic - The cost of war, cost of Katrina, the cost of 9/11 vs. the US dollars generated. The conversation thought provoking and cordial enough. Clearly two different mindsets. I mean no offense. This has to be said. When he spoke of the "cost" I was thinking in lives, not dollars.

There's a couple of things you got to understand - Just Another Train

2005-10-02T20:19:00.000-04:00

I don't anger easily. When I do, it doesn't last. Most who know me know this. What they don't know is that when I finally do get angry, I have a hard time forgiving myself. It seems expected of me - this all understanding, all forgiving person. I expect that of myself much more than you do. I can feel taken for granted, used, over-extended, hurt. And I can get angry. I am learning to forgive myself. Please forgive me. I'm not angry anymore.

Something big and cold got a hold of you - I Will Take You Home

2005-09-28T17:59:00.000-04:00

I gasped. I saw this and just gasped. It's so beautiful. I couldn't stop looking at it. There was no link. Enlarge it, find artist, find website, contact artist, buy print. Click. When we see a piece of art that's appealing it's so easy to think "hey, I like that" and move on. Sometimes we know exactly what it is we like. The colors, the subject, the composition. It can be simple or obvious. Or it can go deeper. I looked deeper this time. Search just a little harder when you are taken by something so beautiful. I promise you a discovery.

Gave the best we had to give, How much we'll never know - Days Between

2005-09-24T22:38:00.000-04:00

Me = the sum total of all my life experience's. Each word, touch, glance, all become of part of me. Not so hard to understand. When you are down, irrate, emotional, it is because of something that has happened in your life. I can add to that, good or bad. So often people retaliate, lashing out when someone is unkind. It manifest's yet we have the power to change that with a kind word, touch or glance. It takes a little more effort, a little more courage. And people mistake kindness for weakness. Make no mistake. I am strong.

Since it cost a lot to win and even more to lose - Deal

2005-09-21T22:22:00.000-04:00

I'd shown my cards too early. I had a decision to make. Fold or bet it all. I was torn, not wanting either. Just not ready, not ready, not ready. I can't decide and there you sit holding more cards. You've been so careful not to show them. I was going to do it and I prepared myself to fold. It was my best, my safest, my only choice. I took a deep breath and then it hit me. I can hold. I choose to hold.